Reason 179

#179: The Eagles

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There is a pair of Bald Eagles that made a nest at the National Arboretum in 2014. They were promptly named The President and the First Lady because of course.

Last year the eagles had a pair of eaglets. We could all watch them in the Eagle Cam (really) and they were tiny and fuzzy and super cute. Then the conservation people (Friends of the National Arboretum) held a contest to name the eagles and we all voted on it because democracy. The winning names were Freedom and Liberty. This year there is another pair of eaglets and another contest to name them.

This story is fantastic because the Arboretum is gorgeous and eagles are great, but also because it shows clearly what I love and don’t love about DC.

Love:

  • We have eagles because we are patriotic like that
  • We have an arboretum, which is essentially a tree museum
  • Everyone knows about the eagles because in DC you have to know everything about everything
  • Everyone votes on everything

Don’t love:

  • Lack of creativity. We picked the most boring names for these eagles. This is why people don’t like us. The baby camel born at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago is named Alexander Camelton. That is a Tony award winning name right there. Our is more of an uninspired entry into some sort of elementary civics contest.
  • People insisting on this lack of creativity. People already suggested Honor, Valor, Glory and Victory as the names for the new eaglets. Enough is enough people. No more patriotic words. What a bunch of one-trick ponies.
  • We suck at naming stuff. The football team is the “Redskins.” The basketball team is “the Wizards” only because the previous name “the Bullets” was even worse. the hockey team is “the Capitals.” Ugh. And the baseball team is “the Nationals.”Nobody is even named after any socks of any color.

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I love the eagles because they’re cute and their story includes many things that I love about DC. Please consider being a good person and voting for a name that does not immediately suggest to the rest of the country that we are a bunch of heartless, boring, uninspired bureaucrats.

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